Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
