all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
