new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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