have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
