So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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