The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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