and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
