I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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