i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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