textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
