I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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