When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
