Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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