Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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