Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
