I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
