I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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