Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
