You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
