Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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