I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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