I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
