If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
