i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
