Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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