god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
