How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
