So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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