If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize