If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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