I will die if light touches me.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
