Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
