I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
