there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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