You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
