idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
