Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
