; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
