I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
