My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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