I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
