dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
