i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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