Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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