Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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