I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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