i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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