just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
