We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
