I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
