They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
