I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize