ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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