If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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