i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Randomize
