is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every concussion has its silver lining
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
