my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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