i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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