and you said cock pushups were impossible
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
