I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
