I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
