i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
