Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
