did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
