I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
