Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize