This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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