So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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