are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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